Tetheus: Questions And Answers
by Snafdragon
Summary: Tetheus gives his first interview. Read the probing questions, revealing answers and ask him something yourself.
1. Chapter 1

Tetheus squirmed in his seat and ran his fingers over his hair. 

"This stool is rickety. Can I get one that doesn't rock, please?"

A small man with a pencil behind his ear and a clipboard in hand loped over and handed him a cup of tea. He motioned Tetheus to stand and looked at the chair. After pursing his lips and wobbling the stool gently, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a copy of _Dragon Knights Volume 15_. He wedged it under one of the legs and sat Tetheus back down.

"Don't worry, it won't show on camera," he said, while moving a similar-looking stool into position near Tetheus.

While Tetheus sipped his tea, a young girl in a plain skirt and smart jacket walked up and reached out her hand.

"I'm V-san," she said, when he shook her hand. "I'll be interviewing you first."

"How many of these do I have to do?" he asked, a pained look on his face.

"That depends on how many questions there are for you," answered V-san. "I only have a couple."

"Lord Lykouleon wanted me to talk to you to discuss our lives at the castle and help the public understand our differences, but I am a very busy man and I can't spare that much time."

"I understand and we'll be as quick as we can." She smiled. "It should be painless."

"Is that thing on?" asked Tetheus, pointing at the camera.

"Yes," said V-san, "but this won't be broadcast, don't worry."

"Okay," came a stern voice from behind the camera. "Three, two, one, action!"

"Tetheus, thank you for agreeing to answer my questions today. I'm a big fan of yours."

"Not at all," answered the dragon with a stiff back. "I'm delighted if just one person comes away from this with a better understanding of the Dragon clan."

"A simple question to start," said V-san with a smile. "What do dragons eat?"

Tetheus twitched an eyebrow and then leaned back in his seat. "Dragons are just like humans, V-san. Each of us has different dietary likes and dislikes: the Dragonlord, Lykouleon will eat anything; his wife, Raseleane, will eat anything tiny or cute; Ruwalk won't eat before ten o'clock and only if it's coated with soy sauce; Alfeegi lives off tea and biscuits; Kai-Stern avoids carrots like the plague; Rune is a vegetarian; Rath an anti-vegetarian; and Thatz eats everything but broccoli."

"And you, Tetheus?" asked V-san, giggling for the cameras and flashing a bit of flesh as she crossed her legs. "What do you eat?"

"Oh, of course." Tetheus sat straight up and adjusted his shirt. "I eat babies, first-born for preference."

"Babies?" said V-san, her smile frozen in place.

"Yes," replied Tetheus. "Surprisingly, or maybe not so surprisingly, babies are high in the essential vitamins and nutrients that are necessary for even a reformed demon such as myself. Why, I can cause twice the terror after eating a small baby, than I can do after a four course gourmet meal. Part of the deal when I joined the dragon clan, was my own room, a decent wardrobe and a staple diet of children."

"What... don't... what does the Dragonlord think of this?" babbled V-san.

"He thinks that it's an effective means of population control. Naturally, with a well fed populace and a decent sanitary system, the number of people living in the city has been growing. With migration from rural areas, we would be hard pressed to house everyone if there weren't limits on the number of children being born."

"Limits?" asked V-san, fidgeting on her stool.

"Yes, in their natural environment, humans are picked off by predators, wolves, toothfairies and demons. In Draqueen, they're protected by the dragon fighters, so a tame demon or two is just the thing to redress the balance."

Tetheus nodded at V-san when he finished talking, but it took her a moment to get the next question out.

"You describe yourself as a tame demon?" she flustered.

He laughed. "I have sharp and pointy teeth and am quite dangerous." He opened his mouth and pulled his lips back with his fingers. "Go on, have a look."

V-san demurred and Tetheus soon carried on.

"The tame demon thing is a bit of an in-joke. I'm the strongest at the castle, so I like to encourage them to think of me as just one of the guys."

V-san nodded and looked down at her notes. "What is your favourite colour?" she asked in a quavering voice.

"I like black," Tetheus replied. After a small silence he continued. "It's a cool colour and it's the colour of my hair. It's the colour of darkness and evil and I find that it makes people that little bit uncomfortable when I wear nothing else. I usually have a trim or lining in purple, or red, just to even it out and put others at ease."

He rested his hands on his knees, nodding at the camera and swaying back and forth on his stool as the interview went on and his confidence grew.

V-san leaned away from Tetheus and edged farther back in her chair. "What about girl-friends, do you... do you have one?"

Tetheus leaned forward. "I thought that you'd ask me that and I have to say that although there are a few people that I'm interested in, I haven't found that special someone just yet."

The stern voice echoed out "Wrap up!" and V-san turned to camera. "Well, that was enlightening. Thank you very much, Tetheus for joining me today."

"It was my pleasure."

Without looking at him she continued. "That was our first look at the dragons of Draqueen in _Tetheus: Questions and Answers_. I am delighted to have taken this opportunity to talk to a real-life dragon and had my questions answered, but I'm completely happy to hand the microphone over to someone else next time. Please tune in again for more probing questions and revealing answers."

xOxOxOx

Please if you review, describe yourself in two words.


	2. Chapter 2

Tetheus was a lot perkier this time, grinning when he saw the camera, set up by the lake. 

"Hello, hello. Sorry I'm late," he said, bounding up to the small group clustered around it. "Where's V-san?"

"Ah, yes," said the small man with the pencil, while a big lady in a mini-skirt poured powder and blusher onto Tetheus's cheeks. "She's on another job today, so we've replacements for you."

Two stepped forward and offered their hands to Tetheus, who was nearly blown away by the force of the hairspray which spurted into life in the big lady's hand.

"Hello Tetheus, I'm Random-chan," said a black-clad ninja, disguised as a bush.

"And I'm Go-kun," said a taller man beside him with a sigh.

"Nice to meet you," replied Tetheus, grasping for their hands, through a haze of hairspray and airborne powder.

"Ready on set!" came the stern voice, while the make-up artist scooted out of sight. "Three, two, one, action!"

"Thank you Tetheus, for meeting us again today." Go-kun turned away from Tetheus to address the camera. "I'm Go-kun."

"And I'm Random-chan," said the bush.

Go-kun faced Tetheus once more. "So how has life changed since your first interview?" he said, mugging for the camera.

Tetheus gravely unbuttoned his jacket, exposing a pot-belly hanging over a pair of tight trousers. "First of all, Kai-Stern would like to state that he loves strawberries, Ruwalk likes Black Russian cocktails, Thatz adores everything, Rath wants demons and that Raseleane is trying to collect shiny buttons."

"What about the Dragonlord?" asked Random-chan, scooting away from him and hiding behind Go-kun.

"Oh, he raises taxes whenever he goes binging, so he doesn't have any requests," replied the Black Dragon Officer. "I'd like to especially mention Jenny for her fine gift." Tetheus pulled out a toothpick and wedged it between two of his back teeth. "I nearly couldn't finish the last one. Tasty."

There was a _pop_ and where Random-chan had been standing was now a small rubix cube with only yellow stickers.

"There's always something," sighed Go-kun, picking it up. "I'd better go and explain to mom. Sorry Tetheus, Director, but I have to go."

He lurched out of sight, bickering away at the rubix cube, which didn't seem to respond, but then again, it's hard to tell. A dark-haired girl burst out from the crowd and picked up Go-kun's discarded microphone. She patted back her hair, put on her game-face and stepped into shot.

"This is Nicole..."

"Papa?"

"...standing in for Random-chan and Go-kun," she said. "I have a question for you, Tetheus. In your last interview, you said that there were a few people that you were INTERESTED IN, who would those people be?"

"Oh dear," said Tetheus, shifting uncomfortably. "I shouldn't have mentioned that, should I? This is a little embarrassing."

"Why's that?" asked Nicole, pressing him further."

"You see one of them is married and I really shouldn't get involved." He frowned and tried to back off. Nicole grabbed onto his arm and pulled him closer.

"What is it that you like about this person?"

"Well," he said. "_This person_ is very high up on the social standings. There'd be scandal if..." He was about to say something, then caught himself, "..._ This person_ was anything other than devoted to _this person's_ other half. I mean, yes this person is attractive, smart, has a way of appearing to be unstressed and relaxing you, too."

"Does _this person_ know nothing of your feelings?" Nicole winked at the camera.

"I try, in my own little way, to let her know of my feelings."

"_Her_?" she said pointedly.

"Crumbs," replied Tetheus.

"I should point out that Lord Lykouleon directed you to comply fully in answering all questions put to you today. It is open season on Tetheus, right now." Nicole reached out of shot and grabbed a copy of the contract Tetheus had signed from the small man with the pencil behind his ear. He smirked as Nicole pointed out the precise region of small print that was about to get Tetheus into deep water.

Tetheus mumbled something.

"I didn't catch that," snapped Nicole.

"I love Raseleane," he muttered, a little louder, while sulking like a schoolboy.

"You fancy Mrs. Dragonlord?"

"Yes, yes I do!" shouted Tetheus. "Oh I may fool around with Alfeegi's feelings and try to feel up Kai-Stern at parties and attract Cernozura's attentions, but every moment of every day I'm thinking of Raseleane. She's just perfect. She's beautiful, loyal, loving, sweet-natured, tender, soft, strong has endured heartache and torture. She's an angel and I've seen some of the underwear that's been bought for her and it's disgusting! In a good way, of course."

"The Dragonqueen's underwear?"

"It's a matter of security. If some of those lacy naughties got out of our hands and into the wrong ones, there'd be scandal. It's my job to prevent that."

"Nice work," muttered Nicole.

"Thank you!" replied Tetheus.

"So," said Nicole. "On that bombshell, I think that we'll wrap up. Tune in again for deeper delvings on dragon life."

"And we're clear!"

xOxOxOx

Please if you review, describe yourself in two words.


	3. Chapter 3

The director had difficulties setting up for the next interview. The camera kept sinking into the swampy soil and they had to relocate several times before they found ground solid enough to take its weight.

"Are you sure that it's a good idea to film in the Misty Valley?" asked Go-kun, dubiously.

"Of course!" replied Nicole, her eyes shining brightly. "This is what Tetheus has to deal with. Maybe we'll even see a yokai. If the two of them fight and we catch it on tape, then we'll get more viewers for sure!"

"Ahem!". A loud cough came from the imposing figure that suddenly appeared beside them. He was distant, deadly and damaged.

"Oh my," breathed Nicole, adjusting her safari hat. "Did Lykouleon give you that black eye?"

"No," He coughed again. "Raseleane got a bit upset when she heard my description of her lingerie. She's a vixen. Left, right: she's got a deceptively strong punch." He clenched his fist and looked toward the sky. "She really is the perfect woman."

Go-kun squinted at Tetheus. "Have you lost weight?"

"Well, most of the packages are for Kai-Stern and Alfeegi now. Ruwalk's sulking about it, though he's pretending that he doesn't care. Alfeegi's not too happy. You should read some of the cards. There's a whole bunch that turned him red and that he refuses to show to anyone. I shudder to think what's in them, since I've seen the ones that he hasn't tried to burn and they're pretty... um... something."

"You're not so popular now," said Nicole, unkindly.

Tetheus sighed. "I guess that there are only so many little brothers a girl can have before she runs out. I shouldn't have been so greedy and ate them all at once."

He bent over, with a loud creak, and rescued a sinking chair from the mire.

The director called out to the little group, "We're ready."

"I'd better ring home," said Go-kun. "I just have to check in on Random-chan."

Nicole nodded and led Tetheus over to the camera, which was balanced precariously on the edge of a cliff. Three of the four Chan sisters were desperately trying to keep it from falling off. Fish-chan was ordering her younger sisters to hold on, while she tied it to some of the nearby trees and rocks. Burbs-chan and Goldy-chan rolled their eyes and pulled faces while her back was turned.

Muse-chan grabbed the make-up kit from the quicksand that had swallowed the big lady in the mini-skirt and did her best to cover Tetheus's bruises. The heavy-duty concealer was doing a good job and couldn't be found, so she apologised to Tetheus when she handed him the mirror.

"Okay, ready on set!" came the stern voice, as Tetheus and Nicole jostled over the few patches of secure footing. "Three, two, one, action!"

"Welcome back to _Tetheus: Questions and Answers_," said Nicole, brightly. "I'm Nicole and today I'm talking to Tetheus in beautiful Misty Valley."

"Thank you for agreeing to interview me again, Nicole," said Tetheus, offering a profile to the camera and hiding his shiner from view.

"Tetheus, a number of people are curious about your background. Tell me about your parents."

"Nicole, this is a bit awkward." He paused, thinking carefully about what he had to say. "I'm a demon. We're born from the fears of humans." He stretched backwards and there was another loud creak. "There once was a young human boy who was an only child. He lived in a forest near a village, which was very dangerous and so he was under strict instructions not to answer the door and be very careful with strangers, hide if he heard someone coming, that sort of over-zealous parental anxiety. Well, one day, his mother was late home. The evening wore on and it got dark and she didn't turn up. He couldn't leave the house and there was no-one nearby that he could talk to and take refuge with if he was allowed to leave, so he just curled up into a ball imagining all the horrible things that could have happened. He worked himself up into a terrible state and just when he thought that he would explode from terror, three children burst from his wardrobe and ate him. I guess that boy was our parent, mother and father."

Nicole stared at him. "And now you work for the Dragonlord? How did that happen?"

Tetheus winked at her. "I was born from a child's fear, but I soon became the fear of adults. I and my siblings preyed on the children of that village, we were only kids ourselves, what can you expect? Anyway, word was sent to the castle at Dragoon that terrible demons were plaguing this small town, a hamlet really, and that they needed help. I was surprised that the Dragonlord himself came. I think he was disappointed when he saw the three of us, scrawny children, cowering under a meagre bed. It's not the image that a great and noble slayer of demons has in mind when he sneaks out of the castle. I threw myself at the Dragonlord while my brother and sister escaped and he easily over-powered me."

"Then what happened?" asked Nicole.

"The Dragonlord was proud. He couldn't bring himself to murder what he saw as a child, so he put me in chains and brought me back to the castle. He wanted to rehabilitate me. I fought every time they tried to move me, feed me, release me, capture me. I think I'm the reason that Alfeegi only has one testicle now. Over time, I got bored of fighting back. Over more time, I started talking to the Dragonlord and the other denizens of the castle and over even more time, I came to respect them. I'd spent several human lifetimes in the castle by that stage and it was my home."

"How old are you?" asked Nicole.

"Oh, I'm not sure how old I m exactly. I wasn't aware of time when I living as a demon, but it's been one thousand, three hundred and sixteen years since I learned to count."

"Wow," said Nicole. A breeze blew through the clearing and Tetheus freed sinking feet with a murky slurp. "Let's go to the phones. Hello, is that Old Fiat? You're talking to Tetheus!"

"This is Old Fiat. Long time viewer, first time caller," said a disembodied voice. Nicole waved to the camera and smiled. Tetheus nodded, uncomfortably.

"Tetheus, can you swim?" asked Old Fiat.

Tetheus twitched. "How strange," he said, opening his jacket and reaching into its inside pocket with a creak. He pulled out a scroll of paper, which he unrolled and displayed to the camera. "I just got my silver swimming certificate today."

There was a crackle on the line and then Old Fiat spoke again. "Can you cook?"

Tetheus shook his head. "I believe in the raw food movement. Nothing beats it live and squirming. Cooking destroys the nutrients, you know."

"Okay..." said Nicole. "Do you have any more questions, before you go?"

"Sure," said Old Fiat. "Does Shyrendora..."

Tetheus exploded. "What? Where did you hear that name? How do you know about her? I haven't said anything about my family, well, not much. What's going on here?"

Nicole gaped like a fish and Muse-chan grabbed the emergency contract and flipped through its pages.

"Are you watching me?" thundered Tetheus. "What else do you know about my past? Is there any point in me answering more questions, since you seem to know more than even the DRAGONLORD does!"

Muse-chan darted forward and handed the contract to Nicole. When she reached out to Tetheus, he restrained her with a single finger on her lips.

"I'm obliged to answer any question yes, but I don't have to answer if any question's unfinished. WHAT IN THE WORLD COULD THAT BE?"

"Very funny," said Nicole, finally getting a word in. "That's not going to work..."

"AIEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

She turned and Tetheus escaped. "Right," said Nicole, pushing her hat firmly onto her head and getting out her elephant gun. "Just what part of a One-Eyed Monster is the vulnerable bit?"

xOxOxOx

Please if you review, describe yourself in two words.


	4. Chapter 4

Ojos-san looked into the hand-mirror and adjusted his glasses. Teddy-chan's arm started shaking as she held it up and she looked longingly at the bar of chocolate on the dresser while Ojos-san gurned and smiled at the mirror, saying "How you doing?"

The door behind him opened and Tetheus walked in. His mouth dropped open and he froze in place, still holding the open door. As a girl with a name-tag reading "Panda-chan" rushed forward, he stepped back and pulled the door behind him. Panda-chan stuck her foot in the door, reached through and grabbed him. "Hello, you're here! Do you like pie?" she gushed, before there was a loud popping noise and her face twisted into a scornful pout. "Do you like the souls of babies?" There was another pop and her eyes lit up and she smiled lightly and easily. "Would you like baby soul pie?"

Tetheus struggled with the door, but couldn't get it free of her and gave up. "I eat pie, but I prefer raw food where possible. Although I'm fairly powerful, I haven't discovered a way to consume souls, even the souls of children, although it is fun to torment them as they die." He coughed, quickly. "Not that I do that anymore..."

Panda-chan was pushed out of the way by another girl in an artist's smock - some of the paint on the edges was still damp and Tetheus was careful not to brush against it when she dragged him inside and locked Panda-chan out. "Sorry about that," she said. "Panda's a bit, well, she's a lot, that's the problem. We've formed a pool, but everyone's been knocked out already." She shook her head. "No one was even close and she's still going; new personality every five minutes."

"Where's Nicole?" Tetheus asked, scanning the room.

"She was last seen laughing maniacally and charging a monster in Misty Valley," answered the girl. She pushed Tetheus onto a chair and he blinked in the fierce light caused by the candles on the dresser. The chocolate bar was sweating. A brown drop dribbled down it and Teddy-chan whimpered, her arm shaking so hard that Ojos-san couldn't see himself clearly.

"Who are you and what are you doing in my bedroom?"

"Ah," said the girl, fumbling in her pockets, while Fish-chan wrestled with the make-up bag. "I'm Polor Bear and we've finally gotten permission from the Dragonlord to film in the castle."

"Why my room?" hissed Tetheus.

"Well, it's the perfect place, isn't it? Your home, your castle, your refuge. A look into the real Tetheus."

He lowered his head. This is exactly why I don't..."

There was a loud crash. Polor tried to stand between a furiously blushing Ojos-san and Tetheus. Tetheus glowered and thumped the dresser. The chocolate bar jumped and landed into an open drawer. Teddy-chan threw the mirror at Ojos-san and dived forward. She yanked the drawer further open and rescued the chocolate bar. Peering inside, she furrowed her brow.

"Do you dye your hair?" she asked.

"Just because my siblings both have blonde hair and there are suspicious stains on my towels do not mean that I also have blonde hair. Everyone knows that scary demons have dark hair. Everyone. And I'm a really scary demon."

Fish-chan grabbed Tetheus's chin and pulled it toward her while he spoke. She pulled out a hot pink lipstick and applied it carefully to his lips. "Maybe not," she said, before wiping it off and sweeping blusher across his cheeks.

Tetheus sighed. "Who's interviewing me then?" he asked.

Polor Bear smiled and pulled the smiling Ojos-san closer. "This is Ojos-san. He's your interviewer this time around."

"Hi," mumbled Tetheus, while various brushes poked his eyelids.

"Can we do the interview on the bed?" asked Ojos-san. "I think the black silk will look great on camera." Goldy-chan and Burbs-chan nodded madly. They each held a camcorder and raced around, searching for the best angle on the bed. Goldy-chan found it first, but Burbs-chan pushed her aside and they started kicking each other, carefully shielding their cameras from the battle.

"Leave it out!" shouted Fish-chan, releasing Tetheus and striding over to her sisters. 

The Black Dragon Officer put his head in his hands and then rubbed the back of his neck. "No. You can't interview me on the bed. We can do it on the couch."

Polor Bear and Ojos-san griped, but eventually agreed and they moved to the sitting area of Tetheus's refuge. Ojos-san plopped himself onto the couch and lounged backwards. Tetheus seated himself stiffly, breathed deeply three times and then settled into a more comfortable position.

"Three, two, one, action!"

"This is Ojos-san, stepping into the breach and talking to Tetheus in his very own room," he gasped, rubbing his knees in excitement. "Thank you for letting us into your sanctuary, Tetheus."

"It's my pleasure," said Tetheus in return. "Thank you for letting yourselves in and looking through my stuff before ambushing me with the camera."

Ojos-san adjusted his glasses and laughed weakly. "Let's start off with the phones. Hello, caller. You're talking to Tetheus"

"Hello?" echoed the phone-caller. "Have I gotten through? It's Old Fiat again. You didn't answer my question last time."

"Your voice sounds different," Tetheus said, leaning forward and narrowing his eyes.

"No, no, this is Old Fiat and I want to ask Morpheus something." The line crackled. "Does Shyrendora have implants?"

"Look," said Tetheus. "The last time I saw the girl, I couldn't count. She was only a child and I have no idea if she's developed an interest in horticulture since then. Maybe you should find her and ask her." He sat up and lost the suspicious glare. "Get an address if you do. I'd like to catch up, find out how they've gotten on, that sort of thing."

"Sorry we couldn't help," said Ojos-san, with a fake grimace. "This is a Question and Answer series for Tetheus and he doesn't know everything. Remember the phone number if you do track Shyrendora down. It'd be great if we could arrange a reunion for these guys."

"Please do," muttered Tetheus.

"Next on the line should be Kawala-kun. Kawala-kun? Are you there?"

"I'm here. Hi Tetheus."

"Hello, Kawala," replied Tetheus with a wave.

"Tetheus-kun, what's your favourite movie?"

"Favourite movie?" asked Tetheus. "What's a movie?"

"It's a story that's filmed with cameras like these," replied Ojos-san, gesturing towards Burbs and Goldy Chan.

"Ah, well, my favourite story is Red Riding Hood; the original version, where they all die and the wolf goes home with a full belly."

"Can you read?" Kawala-kun asked.

"Of course," said Tetheus. "I've had a long time to learn and to be quite honest, I'd be really bored if I hadn't learned how." He turned to Ojos-san and nudged him. "I read some of the penny dreadfuls. They're the right size to fit neatly behind a report that I can pretend to consult while Alfeegi's waffling on. They're utter tripe, but entertaining."

"Thanks for your questions, Kawala-kun," yapped Ojos-san, waving her goodbye. "Next..."

There was an ear-splitting shriek as feedback filled the room. Polor Bear fussed around with the box she was standing beside and it cut out. She gestured to Ojos-san and he swallowed.

"There seems to be a problem with the phones," he said. "So I'll just ask you some of the questions that I've prepared." He shuffled a sheaf of papers. Reading them upside down, Tetheus noticed that the papers were blank. "So, what do you think about Kitchel?"

"Who's Kitchel? Oh, the other thief the lord hired. She seems a bit excitable and quite ready to take advantage of anyone that she comes across. I'd say that she's completely mercenary and I've no idea how the Dragonlord managed to tame her." He snorted then and pointed at himself. "Although, he does have a talent for reforming the unreformable."

"Do you think she likes you?"

He frowned. "How can you tell something like that? She's complimented me and tried to butter me up, but I'm fairly sure that she wanted a buff bodyguard. I don't think that she was looking for anything romantic."

Ojos-san pulled his leg up and across his thigh. He nodded. "Do you find her annoying?"

Tetheus sighed. "She has a lot of energy. She's like all humans - trying to fit a lot into a tiny life. It'd be more annoying if she suddenly had a life-span like Thatz. At least with Kitchel I know that she'll grow old and slow. Thatz and Rath have at least another thousand years before they slow down."

"Do you think that Thatz likes Kitchel and if so, do you feel awkward, cos I think that she fancies you?"

"The cosmic dance of human love is always entertaining, but unfortunately, if Thatz does like Kitchel, then it'll end in heartbreak. She'll die bitter and Thatz will only have ten or twenty years before she grows old and wrinkled and gets paranoid about him desiring younger women." He steepled his hands. "I don't know if she does have a crush on me, but I'm used to it and don't get embarrassed over these things." He ran his fingers through his hair and then rubbed them on the couch to clean the grease off.

His interviewer turned to the camera with a frozen grin and shuffled the papers again. A hand appeared over the shoulder and dropped an extra page onto his lap. Minutes later, Polor Bear crawled out from behind the sofa.

"Hey," Ojos-san said, while stealthily adding the new page to the pile in his hand. "How do you know that Alfeegi only has one testicle?"

"Oh," replied Tetheus, rubbing his nose. "If he gets drunk enough, then he shows it to everyone."

"Really? Ah um... What do you like in a girl?"

Tetheus perked up. "I do like Raseleane, but you shouldn't assume that she fits a type that I've plucked out of the air. It's the person inside that matters, that flicks the switches in my heart. Deciding on girls with long, brown, curly hair, just cuts out a whole bunch of amazing people that could make you feel really good about yourself." He smiled wistfully and stretched his arms across the back of the couch. "What's important to me is that a girl has a sense of herself. I don't want to validate her; she should be strong enough to live without me, or to kick my ass if I'm being unreasonable. Someone who's true to themselves and who thinks that they're a cool person is the sort of person that intrigues me and that I want to find out more about."

"So looks aren't important to you?"

He reached out his hand and wobbled it in the air. "There are plenty of pretty faces for me to look at and not too many of them look past my face to the bundle of contradictions and stupidities inside."

"Do you like science?" Ojos-san asked, reading from the paper in front of him.

"Alchemy is an unprecise art and I don't trust it too much," replied Tetheus. "Anyone who spends much time breathing mercury turns a little funny."

Ojos-san nodded. The door burst open and Muse-chan raced in.

"I've finished it! I've finished it!" she yelled. Fish-chan, Polor Bear and a giggling Panda-chan, who'd snuck in behind her, put their fingers to their lips and made frantic, cutting gestures, but Fish-chan ignored them until she'd almost reached the couch. She turned, just as she came into shot, gasped, then tripped and fell over Ojos-san's legs and into his lap. She waved a sheet of paper in his face. He grabbed it and introduced her.

"Say hello to Muse-chan, everyone."

"HELLO!" chorused the crew, as she ran off with her face red.

"Tetheus!" said Ojos-san, snapping back to his interviewee, who picked some fluff off his trousers. "What kind of demon are you?"

"They haven't classified us, I'm afraid. I'm a scary demon. Is that enough of a description for you?"

"Then how do you just appear behind people?"

"It takes a little stealth and a lot of of practice." He smiled. "Wearing black helps. It'd be much harder if I were bright red all the time."

"Do you have a surname?"

"No. I'm the only Tetheus in the castle, so I don't need a nickname. Naturally, I've no family name."

"There's a rumour that you like to wear women's clothing."

Tetheus said nothing and picked more fluff from his jacket. "I'm glad it's just a rumour then and that there's no substance to it."

"Do you like sports?"

"I enjoy fun like everyone does."

"Not sport, sports," Ojos-san pointed out. "Like em, running, or ball games, or martial arts."

"Practise with the blade is a necessity for someone of my position," Tetheus said, placing his hand on his chest. "There is a purity in the blade that frees the mind and eases the stress of life. I wouldn't be the calm and stable person that I am without the sudden bursts of violence that sports allow me."

"Do you sleep?"

"I have a bed," he replied, gesturing towards the four poster at the other end of the room. "What else would I do with it?"

From behind the cameras, Polor Bear started making circles with her index finger.

"It looks like we've run out of time," said Ojos-san, putting his notes aside. "Thank you very much for answering our questions, Tetheus."

"You're most welcome," he replied with a big smile. "Now get out."

"Tune in next time for more _Tetheus: Questions and Answers_."

xOxOxOx

Please if you review, describe yourself in two words. Tetheus might not answer every question you ask, so if there's something you really want to know, don't ask too many questions at the same time. 


	5. Chapter 5

Through the steaming jungles of the Draqueen's back gardens, the intrepid girl walked, carefully winding through thorn bushes and picking her way under and around brambles. Occasionally she threw a comment over her shoulder, about how tricky the passage was, but she mostly kept her eyes on the ground immediately in front of her.

When she came to a clear patch of ground she whirled around, exposing the microphone in her hand.

"This is Verg-san, reporting live from Draqueen jungle, where we're trying to catch Tetheus in action. Hopefully, he won't be too upset that we've tracked him down."

A loud crash echoed through the glade and Verg-san looked away. Seconds later, a huge beast burst through several trees and nearly ploughed into Verg-san. It stopped mere paces away, and shook itself, its head darting left and right. The beast calmed down, then set eyes upon Verg-san and lowered its head for a charge, when something knocked it off its feet. It rolled over and sprang back up to face Tetheus.

"Tetheus, sir, Tetheus? Can I have a moment of your time, please?" asked Verg-san, scrambling toward him. "I only have a few questions to ask you."

"I'm kind of busy," he replied, before discarding his sword and bracing himself. The beast trumpeted and threw itself at Tetheus, who caught it by the cheeks and stopped it cold. They stood there, locked together and unmoving.

"I just wanted to know what your favourite desert is," said the girl, gamely.

"Ugh. Urgh. Umph. Coffee, black," he said, between heavy breaths.

"Ah and, do you know if Alfeegi fancies Ruwalk, or vice versa?" she continued.

"I never thought of that," replied Tetheus, letting go and stepping forward. The beast plunged into the forest and banged its head off a nearby rock.

"Could you hazard a guess?"

"Hmm, let me see," he said, sitting down and gesturing for Verg-san to do the same. "Alfeegi shouts at Ruwalk, a lot, which can be a sign of transferred emotion, but he shouts at Kai-Stern a lot more. Then again, Kai-Stern's hardly ever in the castle, so he made do it out of a feeling of guilt at the amount of abuse he hurls at Ruwalk. He never shouts at me, or the Dragonlord and it might be that he gives out to Ruwalk because he can't give out to Lykouleon, but that doesn't explain why I get no abuse."

Verg-san nodded while Tetheus took a deep breath.

"Now Ruwalk's good looking. He gets a marriage proposal almost every day, but he's still single. Raseleane spent six years trying to set him up and stopped after Ruwalk took her aside one night and talked to her for four hours. He goes out of his way to be in difficult situations with Alfeegi. He studies books and reports on every part of the kingdom and signed up for a correspondence course in charm and diplomacy, even though he moans about it bitterly. Alfeegi hates people and Ruwalk stops complaining whenever he sees Alfeegi, so you can draw your own conclusions."

Verg-san looked disappointed and Tetheus petted her arm. "There's very little evidence, I'm afraid, since they've done nothing about it. That's if they do fancy each other, of course."

"What's your gut feeling, sir?" asked Verg-san.

"Well, replied Tetheus, before a pair of stinky, moist jaws closed over his head. "Muffle harumph pergah."


End file.
